I got the following in an email. It's really got me thinking ... I would LOVE to be a whale :) If only I could convince the other part of my brain of that!
Recently, in a large city in Australia, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said, "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"
A middle-aged woman,whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.
To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.)
They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby whales.
They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp.
They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia.
Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs.
They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans.
They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices
of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human?
They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them,
not to mention how could they have sex?
Just look at them ... where is IT?
Therefore, they don't have kids either.
Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me: I want to be a whale.
P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends.
With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, ¨Good grief, look how smart I am!¨
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Why Blog?
This morning in the shower, I was thinking about why would a person blog? Why do you journal? Why do we have ppl to "unload" on. Does talking (or writing) about a problem change anything about that problem? Does it solve the problem? make it smaller? Don't we still have to deal with everything on our own?
I came to the realization, that it doesn't change the problem at all. It is still there. We still have to clean the house, make the supper, deal with disciplining our kids. But it does change US. When we express our thoughts and feelings, even to a blog or journal, then we get to see it from a different view-point. Even if no one ever comments on it, even if no one ever tells us what to do or gives us advice; by talking/writing, we get to see our problems, side by side with other problems.
Visualize this with me. Imagine your words coming out of your mouth, just as if you were typing them and they were being printed on a computer screen. Now imagine others' problems as words floating around beside your words. Use images if you prefer, your "problem picture" floating beside another person's "problem picture" just out there in the air, floating around ... We can then see just how large or small our problem is compared to others. I mean, really, is it such a bad thing for us to eat something for dinner that isn't our favorite, when there are other people down the street who aren't even eating at all? Does it really matter if we have a little hole or fray on our clothes when there are others who have no winter jacket in -5F weather? What about, is it really so hard to deal with 2 sick kids at home, when you know there are other moms sitting in hospital waiting rooms, waiting for their children to go through a surgery that can either kill them or save them?
What about hearing your kids complain about supper ? Can we think for a moment about those parents who have kids who never speak? How wonderful is the sound of other's voices when some can't hear? or are imprisoned in solitary confinement and can only hear their own voice and the vermin that share the cell with them.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that our everyday problems aren't problems. They are. But we can handle them. We will get through it, tomorow's another day and the sun will shine, and our kids will get well, they will like the meal we make tomorrow, and maybe we'll find a new shirt on the sale rack at Walmart.
My point being, when we hole up our problems inside, we can puff them up, we can make them to be mountains when they are really just bumps in the road. It's so very important for each of us to have an outlet. If you don't have a friend to talk to, or can't afford a counselor, then maybe you could journal ..on paper, or on a blog .. Find some way to express what you are feeling, express your thoughts, and help yourself to put life into it's proper perspective.
This is why I started this blog. I need to be able to put my feelings out there. Put my thoughts and emotions into words and see them for what they really are. sometimes they will be whiny, and sometimes they will be inspriational, and sometimes just plain dumb. But if I unloaded all this on my dh, it tends to make him upset and want to "fix everything"... and I dont' really want anyone to fix everything. OKaY, part of me does .. part of me wants that magic wand! But that wouldn't be healthy, that wouldn't be living life would it?
So I'm just putting these words out there, viewing them from this side of the screen, and seeing just what I should let go of, and what I need to hang on to.
I came to the realization, that it doesn't change the problem at all. It is still there. We still have to clean the house, make the supper, deal with disciplining our kids. But it does change US. When we express our thoughts and feelings, even to a blog or journal, then we get to see it from a different view-point. Even if no one ever comments on it, even if no one ever tells us what to do or gives us advice; by talking/writing, we get to see our problems, side by side with other problems.
Visualize this with me. Imagine your words coming out of your mouth, just as if you were typing them and they were being printed on a computer screen. Now imagine others' problems as words floating around beside your words. Use images if you prefer, your "problem picture" floating beside another person's "problem picture" just out there in the air, floating around ... We can then see just how large or small our problem is compared to others. I mean, really, is it such a bad thing for us to eat something for dinner that isn't our favorite, when there are other people down the street who aren't even eating at all? Does it really matter if we have a little hole or fray on our clothes when there are others who have no winter jacket in -5F weather? What about, is it really so hard to deal with 2 sick kids at home, when you know there are other moms sitting in hospital waiting rooms, waiting for their children to go through a surgery that can either kill them or save them?
What about hearing your kids complain about supper ? Can we think for a moment about those parents who have kids who never speak? How wonderful is the sound of other's voices when some can't hear? or are imprisoned in solitary confinement and can only hear their own voice and the vermin that share the cell with them.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that our everyday problems aren't problems. They are. But we can handle them. We will get through it, tomorow's another day and the sun will shine, and our kids will get well, they will like the meal we make tomorrow, and maybe we'll find a new shirt on the sale rack at Walmart.
My point being, when we hole up our problems inside, we can puff them up, we can make them to be mountains when they are really just bumps in the road. It's so very important for each of us to have an outlet. If you don't have a friend to talk to, or can't afford a counselor, then maybe you could journal ..on paper, or on a blog .. Find some way to express what you are feeling, express your thoughts, and help yourself to put life into it's proper perspective.
This is why I started this blog. I need to be able to put my feelings out there. Put my thoughts and emotions into words and see them for what they really are. sometimes they will be whiny, and sometimes they will be inspriational, and sometimes just plain dumb. But if I unloaded all this on my dh, it tends to make him upset and want to "fix everything"... and I dont' really want anyone to fix everything. OKaY, part of me does .. part of me wants that magic wand! But that wouldn't be healthy, that wouldn't be living life would it?
So I'm just putting these words out there, viewing them from this side of the screen, and seeing just what I should let go of, and what I need to hang on to.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
I can't believe it ... :)
Oh My gosh. I created and posted my first post on this blog, and within an hour, within 1/2 hour? within a few minutes? Someone found me? Someone found me who actually could understand what I was talking about? Who felt the same way? That's just too ...surreal?
I had figured it would be months before anyone ever found me. Ever read this blog. And I get a reader, a commenter, and a follower all in an hour? Thank You God! :) He's great in his faithfulness. I needed a little pick me up, he knew that, he let me to create this blog, and he led you to find me. How wonderful it is to have a God like that. :) It just reminds me that He does care, even when I don't feel his presence.
I hope I don't put you off by my "God-talk", I would never shove my beliefs on anyone else. I certainly pray that you have the relationship with God and Jesus that I do, but I am a firm believer in free will as well. God made us with free will for a reason, he doesn't want instinctual worship, he wants us to WANT to give it to him. Isn't that great?
I've been thinking all day what to type about today. I am actually having a pretty good day. Still struggling with being a mom. How do I teach my pre-teen son to deal with his anxiety without actually being his "crutch"? He wants me to sit by him while he goes to sleep and talk with him, but after doing that for a week or so, I just feel like he needs to start learning to fall asleep on his own. I'm reminded of when he was 4 months old, and all the books say not to "ferberize" until 6 months, but this boy, this extremely smart boy was making us walk up and down the hall to put him to sleep and was looking at us and fighting sleep just because he didn't want to be put down! at 4 months I remind you. So smart, so stubborn. We did "ferberize" him and it worked well within a few days.
The Ferber Method is when you put a baby down in their crib, and pat their back and then walk out. If they cry, you come back in 5 minutes, pat their back (do not pick them up) and then walk out again for another 5 minutes. and repeat. As they get better at it, you increase the time between pats - 5 min, 7 min, 10 min... and in this way they learn that you will come back, that they are safe, and that they can put themselves to sleep. I highly recommend the book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber, MD. Found at Amazon
But this past few weeks is reminding me of that. He is older now, more able to understand what is going on, but it's so hard to hear him ask for me and having to say "no". Just like it was so hard to stand outside his room when he was a baby and listen to him cry for the 5 minutes I had to wait before I could go in and reassure him and then leave again. I tell him I want to talk to him, but not at 9:30 at night. If he wants to have one-on-one conversation, we can find another time of day for our chats. *sigh* it's just so hard to say no, so hard to be a mother.
Sometimes I wonder why God gave me two boys. Each of them are totally different from the other. Two ends of the spectrum, and the same mother is supposed to raise them both? What a sense of humor! Sometimes I wish for a girl, twin girls actually, because I have two girl names that I have never used. God has his reason, but I still wonder and have a small bit of hope. Someday maybe, but not in the way I imagined it.
Well, it's bitterly cold here, but atleast the sun is shining. Spring will come, eventually. Wonder what Mr. Groundhog is going to see on the 2nd. Hopefully nothing so that spring will be early! :)
More later . . .
I had figured it would be months before anyone ever found me. Ever read this blog. And I get a reader, a commenter, and a follower all in an hour? Thank You God! :) He's great in his faithfulness. I needed a little pick me up, he knew that, he let me to create this blog, and he led you to find me. How wonderful it is to have a God like that. :) It just reminds me that He does care, even when I don't feel his presence.
I hope I don't put you off by my "God-talk", I would never shove my beliefs on anyone else. I certainly pray that you have the relationship with God and Jesus that I do, but I am a firm believer in free will as well. God made us with free will for a reason, he doesn't want instinctual worship, he wants us to WANT to give it to him. Isn't that great?
I've been thinking all day what to type about today. I am actually having a pretty good day. Still struggling with being a mom. How do I teach my pre-teen son to deal with his anxiety without actually being his "crutch"? He wants me to sit by him while he goes to sleep and talk with him, but after doing that for a week or so, I just feel like he needs to start learning to fall asleep on his own. I'm reminded of when he was 4 months old, and all the books say not to "ferberize" until 6 months, but this boy, this extremely smart boy was making us walk up and down the hall to put him to sleep and was looking at us and fighting sleep just because he didn't want to be put down! at 4 months I remind you. So smart, so stubborn. We did "ferberize" him and it worked well within a few days.
The Ferber Method is when you put a baby down in their crib, and pat their back and then walk out. If they cry, you come back in 5 minutes, pat their back (do not pick them up) and then walk out again for another 5 minutes. and repeat. As they get better at it, you increase the time between pats - 5 min, 7 min, 10 min... and in this way they learn that you will come back, that they are safe, and that they can put themselves to sleep. I highly recommend the book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber, MD. Found at Amazon
But this past few weeks is reminding me of that. He is older now, more able to understand what is going on, but it's so hard to hear him ask for me and having to say "no". Just like it was so hard to stand outside his room when he was a baby and listen to him cry for the 5 minutes I had to wait before I could go in and reassure him and then leave again. I tell him I want to talk to him, but not at 9:30 at night. If he wants to have one-on-one conversation, we can find another time of day for our chats. *sigh* it's just so hard to say no, so hard to be a mother.
Sometimes I wonder why God gave me two boys. Each of them are totally different from the other. Two ends of the spectrum, and the same mother is supposed to raise them both? What a sense of humor! Sometimes I wish for a girl, twin girls actually, because I have two girl names that I have never used. God has his reason, but I still wonder and have a small bit of hope. Someday maybe, but not in the way I imagined it.
Well, it's bitterly cold here, but atleast the sun is shining. Spring will come, eventually. Wonder what Mr. Groundhog is going to see on the 2nd. Hopefully nothing so that spring will be early! :)
More later . . .
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I want to be Beautiful
So, I thought about this some more. If any of you have ever read "Captivating" by John & Staci Eldredge, then you know that the one most deepest desire of all girls and women is to be beautiful. To captivate one person - their dad, and later, their husband. I struggle with this as I'm not the most attractive person, at least not in my mind. My husband says I'm beautiful, but oftentimes I feel they are just words. His actions don't speak on it one way or the other. I believe him, he's just not able to express it with his actions.
I heard this song again this morning .. makes me cry every time.
Am I beautiful? What does my face & body say to the world? Does it matter what I look like? It matters to me, has always mattered to me. I used to have a thicker skin, I think, but it still hurt to be neglected by boys, to be told I was "chubby" as a kid. Will I ever get that image out of my head? I've lost 60 lbs since July 2009, and need to lose more, but even if I DO lose the additional 30 I need, will I see myself as attractive? will my dh love me if I lose the weight? will he still love me if I put weight back on? More importantly, when will I learn to love myself? Will I ever be able to say, I am who I am, God made me this way and so it must be what he wanted? Why am I the way I am? Why did God give me this propensity to eat when I'm stressed?
There's this hole inside of me, that I desperately need to fill. I KNOW that food won't fill it. I KNOW that food will make me feel worse, but I still reach for the food. I still reach for those things that I know are bad for me. If God made me, did he give me this struggle? Did he allow this struggle? Or is this just Satan trying to take me away from God? There's a real live war between God and Satan. I believe it. I've seen it. Angels and Demons, they are real. Jesus saves, he's helped me in so many ways this past year. Satan is attacking me and my family because of the success Jesus has given me (those 60 lbs I credit all to Jesus) ... why am I falling back now, why is it harder then ever to say "no" to those sweets. Why am I struggling with feeling deprived, and more lonely then ever?
So many questions .. and I've only just touched the surface. Maybe I'll find some answers along the path, praying it's the right path.
I heard this song again this morning .. makes me cry every time.
Am I beautiful? What does my face & body say to the world? Does it matter what I look like? It matters to me, has always mattered to me. I used to have a thicker skin, I think, but it still hurt to be neglected by boys, to be told I was "chubby" as a kid. Will I ever get that image out of my head? I've lost 60 lbs since July 2009, and need to lose more, but even if I DO lose the additional 30 I need, will I see myself as attractive? will my dh love me if I lose the weight? will he still love me if I put weight back on? More importantly, when will I learn to love myself? Will I ever be able to say, I am who I am, God made me this way and so it must be what he wanted? Why am I the way I am? Why did God give me this propensity to eat when I'm stressed?
There's this hole inside of me, that I desperately need to fill. I KNOW that food won't fill it. I KNOW that food will make me feel worse, but I still reach for the food. I still reach for those things that I know are bad for me. If God made me, did he give me this struggle? Did he allow this struggle? Or is this just Satan trying to take me away from God? There's a real live war between God and Satan. I believe it. I've seen it. Angels and Demons, they are real. Jesus saves, he's helped me in so many ways this past year. Satan is attacking me and my family because of the success Jesus has given me (those 60 lbs I credit all to Jesus) ... why am I falling back now, why is it harder then ever to say "no" to those sweets. Why am I struggling with feeling deprived, and more lonely then ever?
So many questions .. and I've only just touched the surface. Maybe I'll find some answers along the path, praying it's the right path.
Interesting Blog find
I was clicking the "next blog" at the top, and it didn't take me long to find a beautiful blog.
http://takeaslowbreath.blogspot.com
This quote in the sideline ..
"I oftentimes look at myself and realize I don't even know who I am anymore...so I just keep going through the motions of pretending I do... "
Hit the nail on the head with that quote.
http://takeaslowbreath.blogspot.com
This quote in the sideline ..
"I oftentimes look at myself and realize I don't even know who I am anymore...so I just keep going through the motions of pretending I do... "
Hit the nail on the head with that quote.
A Beginning - My struggles
So I'm starting this blog, and I'm going to use it as a sort of journal of my thoughts. I'll share as much as I'm able, and hope that someone, somewhere, out there, there's a person that finds this a little interesting, maybe even enough to comment. I wonder how long that will take? Does anyone care about my thoughts? don't we all wonder that at some point?
A bit about myself: I live in the midwest. Born and raised as they say. I'm married, have sons, and love Jesus. I also have too many hobbies. More about those later I suppose.
Another thing about me, I'm addicted to food. I emotionally eat. I'm struggling. Life's challenges are draining me and as hard as I try, I'm tempted to stay holed up and not do anything. No cleaning, no cooking, no bible study, no crafts, just sleep. I dream vividly and so sometimes I desire to escape into my dreams and live there where I am magical, I am sexy, I am desired, and I am beautiful. Where there is nothing I can't handle, nothing impossible, and I receive support as much as I give it.
That last one may be what's most prominent in my mind. I've been giving a lot lately, care to my family, help to others, and it's difficult for me to see right now where anyone is giving me care back. Who calls me up just to say "How are you doing today?" "Is there anything I can do to make your day easier?" Why have I never had a friend that would call me up and just want to spend time with me? Why do I always get "Hey, can you do this for me?" "You are so good with that, maybe you could spare this for us?" I love being helpful, I just wish it was interspersed with more "Let's just spend time together. Getting to know each other better." Why does no one have time to just BE? Why oh why . . . ? Why is inviting someone over for dinner never reciprocated? Am I THAT boring to be around? Is my food that HORRENDOUS? Was I the only one having fun ?
Enough thoughts to think about for now, more later . . .
A bit about myself: I live in the midwest. Born and raised as they say. I'm married, have sons, and love Jesus. I also have too many hobbies. More about those later I suppose.
Another thing about me, I'm addicted to food. I emotionally eat. I'm struggling. Life's challenges are draining me and as hard as I try, I'm tempted to stay holed up and not do anything. No cleaning, no cooking, no bible study, no crafts, just sleep. I dream vividly and so sometimes I desire to escape into my dreams and live there where I am magical, I am sexy, I am desired, and I am beautiful. Where there is nothing I can't handle, nothing impossible, and I receive support as much as I give it.
That last one may be what's most prominent in my mind. I've been giving a lot lately, care to my family, help to others, and it's difficult for me to see right now where anyone is giving me care back. Who calls me up just to say "How are you doing today?" "Is there anything I can do to make your day easier?" Why have I never had a friend that would call me up and just want to spend time with me? Why do I always get "Hey, can you do this for me?" "You are so good with that, maybe you could spare this for us?" I love being helpful, I just wish it was interspersed with more "Let's just spend time together. Getting to know each other better." Why does no one have time to just BE? Why oh why . . . ? Why is inviting someone over for dinner never reciprocated? Am I THAT boring to be around? Is my food that HORRENDOUS? Was I the only one having fun ?
Enough thoughts to think about for now, more later . . .
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